he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
