I'm gonna have a badass scar
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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