if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
