I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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