I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
