Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
