I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
