we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
