Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
