And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
