I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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