My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
