No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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