Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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