well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
