so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
