Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
