WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
