there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
