apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
