Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
