Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
