Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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