I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
