u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
