For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Someone shattered a urinal.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
