So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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