so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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