What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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