I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
