the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
