Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
