yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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