At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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