so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
