ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
