I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
