Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
