So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
