Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
