Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
