Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
