He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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