Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
