I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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