You smell like a Billy Joel song
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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