Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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