you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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