I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
