Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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