Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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