Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
