What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
