Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
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Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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