Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
