apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
