oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
