I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
