Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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