Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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