I'm going to jail i love you
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
