Ambien. No doubt about it.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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