I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
