Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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