When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
