I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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