he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
