im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
