Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
